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Today in church a relatively new priest to the congregation, the chaplain at the local air force base, chanted the Eucharistic Prayer. It was wonderful. He's as good as my very favorite priest (you all know who that is). After the service I told him his presence in the service helped me miss home a bit less. He asked where I was from and told me he knows exactly what I meant. Seems he's buds with the IL priest.
Anyway, until today I would have said that my biggest pet peeve durig the worship service is people who carry on conversations during the service. I truly believe that if you need to talk, you should be respectful and take it out of the nave. Tody, I discovered that an even greater pet peeve is people who mock the priest during the Eucharistic Prayer!
A family who routinely arrives late with three kids in tow--two in high school and one in grade school--seems to believe that the worship service is a social hour. Unfortunately they almost always sit within a few pews of me and chat away. The parents are as bad as the kids. I just don't understand. What is the purpose of attending church? You can stay home and chat with each other. But I guess if you do that then you miss out on the entertainment in the sanctuary which provides such fodder for mockery!!!
Yes, I am incensed. There was truly no excuse for this behavior. Small children talking through a service can't learn a more appropriate way to behave unless they are taught better behavior through modeling and repetition. You have to bring them to church to teach them to behave respectfully in church. I get that. However, this was the high schoolers. And Dad was sitting right next to them the whole time.
Whether their problem with the priest stemmed from their lack of exposure to chanting the prayer, their lack of exposure to someone who knows how the chant the prayer, the fact he is black, or anything else does not matter. It disrupts the service and is disrespectful.
Wish someone would appoint me the verger. Then I'd be able to bop them with a big stick.
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So here's another perspective. The family in the pew ahead of me had three elementary school age girls, each with an electronic game in hand. They sat through everything---hymns, prayers, the entire service ---except for communion. They didn't even exit during the time when they were invited to leave. They marched up for communion and returned to the pew and their games. They were quiet, but how could they have been engaged in communion at all? The parents sat together in the middle of the pew without a word to the children.
I think of the years I sat with my children (often separating them to minimize conflicts) showing them which page in the prayer book or hymnal, urging standing, kneeling, sitting. It was very tiring, and I often felt that church attendance was more tiring than any other parental task I had. But I felt it was what was expected of me as a parent. It may have taxed those around us as well; however, we weren't excommunicated. It was the best I could do to teach them the etiquette and expected church behavior and hoped that they would gradually benefit from all that was going on around them. It was a thrill when they sometimes asked later in the day what the priest meant when he said . . . . or some other question about the liturgy. It was hard, but it was worth it.
Many years later the grandchild who's just started college was at my house for a week or so without other family members. I was scheduled to read at the 8:00 a.m. service and asked a woman much older than I if she could sit with her at the service. At four she sat there like a model parishioner, and all in attendance marveled at her reverent behavior. I can't take credit for that, of course. But I taught the teacher.
Perhaps the parents you and I are seeing are either new to the church and did not have that kind of upbringing. However, I do feel that this is something that needs to be addressed. Ignorance and indifference are always red capes in front of this bullish mamma.
BTW I think the Rev. Carl just became the champion chanter at our church. It was beautiful, wasn't it? Hope his preaching is just as inspirational.
I hope he chants every Sunday.
After the service I quietly told the girls that conversing during the service is distracting to others, expecially when making fun of the priest. They didn't reply, just nodded with wide eyes. And I made certain we were not overheard, so as not to embarass them. As the mother passed me on the stairs she hissed, "she was just teasing her brother." (Brother and mom were sitting in the pew in front of dad and sisters). I knew then that addressing the girls directly had been the smarter move than saying something to the parents. I doubt telling them would have made any difference, but maybe the girls will think about it and amend any future desire to act like that in public.
While traditionally vergers were expected to beat back dogs and other mongrels from the verge, it's generally frowned upon today.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing to point out that Lit's training produces someone like me who makes a career out of churchy nonsense.
Sadly, clergy are often discouraged from teaching good churchmanship. Discipline is not seen as an evangelical or hospitality tool. And, really, parents who lack worship training don't often seek it out. If the case was that people routinely went to church leaders (lay or ordained) and said, "Please teach me how to best participate in worship, so that I can teach my children" your frustration wouldn't exist. I've repeatedly advocated for "family in church" training for kindergarten and first graders and their parents, but no one has ever green lighted the project.
Ultimately, I think the best we can do is to pray for patience and allow the Spirit to still our hearts and minds when we find ourselves too easily distracted.
Well I do take credit, and I'm proud to have a such a successful line of teachers behind me.
I have to say, it is not just church where rude distractions like this happen. Just recently I was at the Freshman Convocation, where all the incoming students gather (for us, in the park) and listen to various members of the faculty give inspirational and informational speeches. There was a group of students behind me who, not even discretely, were conversing, laughing, and playfully hitting each other almost the entire time. And I assure you I was not the only one who turned my head to acknowledge the fact that there were so blatantly interrupting. I also felt bad, because we were so close to the stage.
"Whatever happened to class?..."
I don't understand paying lots of money to attend a concert and then screaming instead of listening to the entertainer, conversing at the theatre (movie or stage), or talking in class. It seems our country is producing a larger percentage of people who don't stop to consider how their actions affect the people around them.
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