The Hunt is On and on and on and on...

We have been searching for a new home for several months, now. We started out early in the summer with a half-hearted look at homes near ours. We figured it doesn't hurt to look and for several reasons we would like to move to a different abode. But we weren't in a hurry. The rent here is pretty good and our lease went through October.

Unfortunately, the landlord passed away and it seems the heir wants to live in the house. It also seems the estate may not be settled, yet. Either way, the lease ended in October with us not being able to renew, and now we are looking with more purpose.

Also unfortunately, the competition for homes is intense. Landlords, therefore, are able to make outrageous demands either in price or in lease conditions. Here are a few of my favorites:

"Where do you go to church?" I wish I'd had an answer prepared, but knowing there is a federal law that prohibits this from being considered as a criteria for choosing a renter, I never considered planning a response. I just told the truth. Turns out his church also started with the word, "Saint," so he didn't automatically blacklist me. However, we didn't pursue this house because he also told us that it is written into the lease that the renters are responsible for all plumbing repairs. He figures the only reason for a plumbing repair would be misuse by the tenants. Guess he never heard of cast iron pipes rusting, house settling causing cracks in pipes or problems with joints, or roots growing in the pipes.

Next time I encounter that question I plan to declare in as proud a voice as I can muster, "I worship at the altar of the black virgin lesbian goddess."

Here's one I've heard from about seven potential landlords: They reserve the right to come onto the property and into the home at any time with no notice. One lady even told me she must have the codes to the burglar alarm every time it is changed. They don't seem to realize that the renter is paying for the right to take possession of the property and the landlord should give prior notice and obtain permission to enter the home. As no one in this household relishes the thought of walking out of the shower to encounter a person in the house, we passed on all of these.

One guy apparently told several potential tenants the time he would be working on the property and invited them to come on by to sign the lease. He failed to tell any of us that it was a race. The first to arrive got the prize. I was flabbergasted when I showed up exactly on time for our appointment to discover another woman had just signed the lease. His response: the first person to give me the deposit gets the home.

Many landlords who own smaller houses than the one where we currently live are asking twice or more what we are currently paying in rent.

Maybe we are too picky. But I know I am weary of what appears to be a fruitless effort. I have to wonder sometimes what factors are in play. Does my accent work against me? In IL they said I sounded like a southerner. Here in LA they disagree. Maybe TN has a different drawl? Am I getting the runaround from some of the folk because I am female? Surely there are other women also involved in this endeavor. Or am I just too picky and I should accept all the strange and frightening conditions as normal and acceptable.

I think not.