continuing conversation

We shared a conversation in the car today that echoes others from the past. Let's start at the beginning--as much as I can remember, anyway.

At age 3 Oyster got in trouble at daycare for stating, "Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina." I found this much less horrible than the daycare lady, and I must admit I was proud that Oyster was able to pronounce the words well enough that when they were repeated by another child to the daycare staff that they were understood. One of the other mothers found it just as amusing as I did--and told me she believed her child had actually been the one to teach these facts to Oyster, as they had discussed the topic at bathtime the previous evening when her daughter noticed the difference between her parts and those of her younger brother.

Until I was told this I had figured Oyster got the info from her aunt or grandfather when visiting them. The aunt frequently took her to the zoo where sometimes things are much more obvious than they are in other settings. The grandfather has many horses and Oyster was just at eye-level with certain protruding parts that may have aroused her curiosity. It seemed reasonable to me that if she had asked, either of them would have answered in a matter-of-fact manner and never thought it was significant enough to mention to me. I would have agreed.

At age 6 Oyster got in trouble at Catholic school for coloring a penis on one of her coloring pages. The drawing showed a monster with his pants unzipped and I have to agree with Oyster that it sure looked like he had a penis before she ever received the paper. If she hadn't used that word, her unimaginative teacher would never have suspected that was what she thought. However, the straight-laced Baptist teacher at the Episcopal school didn't see it that way and was totally horrified. She berated me for ever having allowed my daughter to know what a penis is.

So, now at age 9 it comes up again. We are driving down the road and I pointed out a mastiff puppy sitting on a porch. I commented that he was pretty. After advising me that pomeranians are pretty, and he was not a pomeranian, she added that he may not have even been a he. I replied, "It was a he," to which she asked, "Do you know that because you saw his penis?" I said, "yes," and figured that was the end of the conversation.

However, she was on a roll. She declared everyone has a penis. I disagreed, thinking I wasn't certain I was ready for this conversation--especially if I have to face another teacher who is up in arms about whatever will come out of this at school tomorrow. After telling me several times that girls have penises, but they are smaller and you can't see them, she finally admitted she was just pretending.

I told her she doesn't want one. She's much better off just like she is. So she asked, "Is that because they stick out and get in the way? And you have to wear a cup to keep it from getting hurt?" We left the topic with my agreeing that was it exactly.

Now, please, God. May I wait another three years before she wants to discuss this again?